revelation

While masturbating in the shower this morning i realized that usually i jerk off only in order to cum. Or, that is, that's what i used to do.

That might seem like stating the obvious, the normal mode. And maybe it is, for most boys, anyways. But i never realized it for myself. In the past, i didn't masturbate for the pleasure of the wanking, rather it was almost always a means to get right to the finale, the orgasm.

That changed today. And the change came out of series of events that started last night, when i got an email from Her: "..... good job with the blog.... Call me Wednesday 2/4 (am/pm) before you masturbate."

i immediately got excited, thinking that maybe, when i called, She would give me to permission to cum. i was also surprised. i had expected more suffering before being allowed to cum. But, in an odd way, i had been looking forward to the suffering. Goddess help me.

So, i called Her the next morning, just before heading into the shower (where i usually masturbate in the morning). However, in the event, She only checked-in with me. She did not give me permission to cum, though it was deeply satisfying to hear her voice. [i am hoplessly addicted.]

So, into the shower i went. As i started to masturbate, i immediately entered my usual mind-set, wanking very quickly and thinking about how fast i could get to the "good part," the orgasm. Of course, Her instructions stopped me short. And that's when it struck me - when i jerk off, i usually look ahead straight to the orgasm. There have been many times in my life when i masturbated at length and enjoyed every minute of it - but that was not the norm for me, and it was never done consciously.

As i continued masturbate in the shower, i realized that i wasn't going anywhere - i had a full 15 minutes of masturbation ahead of me. and i started wanking at a much more measured pace. i also started to vary the rhythm, moved by the rhythm of my fantasy instead of being driven by an urge to orgasm as soon as possible. [my fantasy this time was being "sold" by Her to one of Her friends once she lost interest in me]. i also started paying much more attention the small jolts of pleasure that ran up and down Her cock and balls. All this made me insanely turned-on. Pleasure was simply coursing through me. It was one of the best masturbation sessions of my life.