When men don't get what they want









I wrote this transgressive caption back in 2017, moved by the slaughter in the Sutherland Springs church shooting (26 dead, 20 injured), a horror story about mental illness and a window into the ideological politics that block gun control.

However, once I read past the headlines and dug deeper it became clear that the Sutherland Springs massacre was also a window into the culture of white male rage and entitlement, the same entitlement and rage that drives domestic assault and rape culture across the United States. When white men don’t get what they want, they often get violent and they usually target women.

In the Sutherland Springs church massacre the shooter targeted the women among his in-laws that were attending church that day. He had a long history of domestic assault, and prior to the shooting he had sent threatening text messages to the mother of his estranged wife.

This incident is not exceptional. In the US, one out of every 10 people murdered is killed by an intimate partner, and seven of those ten murdered are women. Four women a day are killed by an intimate partner. This number has been growing, while at the same time the number of men who are murdered by an intimate partner has declined. [That decline is attributed to the increase in divorce and women having more options to leave bad relationships.]

A 2019 New York Times article, “A Common Trait Among Mass Killers: Hatred Toward Women,” reported, “The motivations of men who commit mass shootings are often muddled, complex or unknown. But one common thread that connects many of them—other than access to powerful firearms—is a history of hating women, assaulting wives, girlfriends and female family members, or sharing misogynistic views online.” (Bosman, et al, Aug. 10, 2019).

For more on this topic, I recommend this article: The Number of Women Murdered by a Partner Is Rising

I realize that using my caption above to connect the dots between ending male entitlement and promoting the practice of male submission (by cis het men) in personal relationships is transgressive territory. The concept of female supremacy is a biological fallacy. And it runs counter to feminist principles (which I understand to reject sexual hierarchy of any kind). However, in line with concept of being a gender traitor and relinquishing privilege, men can practice female supremacy by putting the women they encounter ahead of them - "in the bedroom, in the street and in the state" as articulated by Viola Voltairine in her podcast about men extending their practice of male submission outside of the home.

Using submissive male fantasies to promote gender justice is a subversive tactic that may end up being counterproductive on net. But I explore it because a lot of men have these fantasies.

Getting Ready, Getting Pierced, Getting Caged

 



Politics, Lessons, and Step-by-Step Directions

If you are serious about asking a woman to lead you, to dominate you, to control you - and if you are not already in a FLR - then you should consider getting your cock pierced now.

Female domination is a gift. And her gift should be honored by making it as easy as possible for her to lead you. Thus getting pierced now, to make it easy to cage you, is a good step for preparing yourself for an FLR. It's actually a bit of a long process that includes healing time and time to size up the piercing so it can support the weight of a cock cage

Below I offer step-by-step directions for getting your cock pierced and ready for a cage. I also offer some practical lessons about living with a cock piercing (it's a lot easier than thought).

You can jump down now to those sections if you'd like.

However, first I should note that, in the spirit of FLR, getting led by your cock should NOT be your primary focus when entering a FLR.  

Rather, your focus should be on making FLR easy for her - by listening to her closely, by directing your attention to her. Whenever possible you should approach every situation by actively considering what she would want. And, you should work hard to follow her lead. 

If you are not listening, thinking, and working hard to follow her direction, then offering her control of your cock is simply indulging your personal fantasy. You are not respecting the work and responsibility she takes on in dominating you. It amounts to nothing more than topping from the bottom. You are abusing her gift.

One powerful lever for directing and training a man is through direct physical control of his cock.   So, if you are already working hard to follow her, then offering her physical control of your cock is another way to make it easy for her to direct you.

Most (all?) cock cages that don't attach by a piercing can be defeated.  A dick is like an octopus - it can get out of almost anything. Cages that don't lock that cock to a piercing are more show than true cages.

However, getting pierced and stretched for a chastity device takes a LONG time.  So if you wait until you are in a FLR - you may have to wait yet many months before you can be ready to offer real physical chastity control.

Getting pierced now, before one is in an FLR, puts a submissive in the position of being able to make that offer. 

Offering physical control to her means something like locking up your cock in a chastity cage and offering the key to her.  Should she accept that key, she acquires another lever for directing you.

However, accepting that key also places yet another significant responsibility upon her in addition to the responsibilities she has already assumed by agreeing to dominate you. By taking physical control of your cock she becomes responsible for helping to ensure that being caged is a safe physical and psychological experience for you.

In this light, it’s easy to see that when a woman agrees to take the key to your cock cage, she is giving you yet another gift.

Note: Your safety while caged is not her responsibility alone. You are still primarily responsible. She doesn’t know how the cage is affecting you unless you share that information with her.  Being submissive is NOT an opportunity to abandon responsibility. It means a different set of responsibilities.

Many men find it much easier to focus and dedicate themselves to following their female leader when they no longer have access to their cock.  The prospect of earning the opportunity to masturbate or otherwise secure sexual release allows these men to sublimate their sexual drive, harnessing that energy and directing it towards following and serving their female leader.

This can be particularly true for men whose submissive nature is well established mostly along their sexual dimension but wish to embrace and extend that submission in all aspects of their life, e.g. in a female-led relationship.

These men may wish to go beyond offering her control of their cock. They may wish to make it an ask.  Of course that would be a major request of her.  And should she agree, the man in question should be ready to come through in honoring that gift.

If you are lucky enough to meet a woman who is willing to lead and dominate, you want to be ready for her to take control of your cock.  And getting ready means taking steps now.

There are many chastity devices for locking up men’s cocks.  However, many (most?) men will find that none of the traditional devices (i.e. ball-trapping cages) truly prevent a determined man from accessing his cock. And/or most often these devices are not safe or wearable for more than a few hours or days.

The only secure and safe way to lock up most men’s cocks is with a device that utilizes a prince albert piercing in the cock.

However, getting a properly sized, full-healed prince albert piercing, a piercing ready to be secured with a chastity device, can take several months.

So, the time to get a piercing is now.  That way you will ready if/when an opportunity comes along to respectfully offer or ask a Woman to take control of your cock.

A few years back I reached the final stage in getting ready for full-time 24/7 chastity. i had been pierced for years, and when I moved to stretch the piercing it took me a while to finally stretch myself all the way to the point of being able to wear a device that is supported in place with a cock ring.

Here are some of the lessons i learned along the way.  Directions follow below.

Lessons

Many men are uncomfortable with the idea of piercing their cock.  To them, all i can say is get over it.  

Yes, the piercing can be a somewhat painful and at times significantly uncomfortable for the first few days.  But it’s not a big deal. If that prospect puts you off then you are not really serious about this.  That’s OK.

Once the piercing is fully healed and has been stretched up in size a couple of steps, it’s fine for most men to frequently remove the piercing. You won’t lose the pierced opening. EDIT - Your mileage may vary. a few men find that they need to keep a piece jewelry in place constantly or the piercing will shrink back down.

Yes, you will have sit to urinate when jewelry inserted to be sure of not making a mess. However, in a real pinch – such as where there is no bathroom - it is possible learn to hold the jewelry such that you can mostly likely urinate without a mess.

And if you are heading someplace where there are no bathrooms or where the bathroom will likely be a mess itself, simply take out your jewelry for the duration.  [Once the piercing is fully healed].

When the jewelry has been removed, it’s easy to urinate standing up by simply holding the pad of one fingertip over the piercing opening.  i do it all the time.

Your first jewelry will probably be a captive ring (i.e. a fully closed ring).  You might consider buying a pair of reverse jeweler pliers for opening and closing such closed rings, so that it’s easy to remove and insert the ring.  Later you can wear barbell jewelry that’s easy to remove by hand.

Directions

1) Find a good studio

A prince albert is not that unusual of a piercing, but you definitely want someone well experienced in performing these piercings.  However, there are a lot of good studios, and it’s easy to find them using regular consumer search tools.  i was pierced by Dieter Huhn in Bonn, Germany, and can highly recommend him.  Here in San Francisco, i can recommend the studio Body Manipulations.

2) Schedule the piercing

This kind of piercing can often bleed a lot for the first few days, particularly the first day.  And it will often be uncomfortable for several days or longer. So, make some time in your schedule when you can deal with those outcomes.

3) Let it heal

Keep the piercing clean and follow the care directions you get from your piercer.  Full healing will likely take several months.  The piercing will usually feel healed well before that, so don’t get fooled into removing your jewelry early and leaving it out for a while.

4) Get stretched

Piercings are usually done with fine narrow gauge jewelry, mostly likely 12 ga.  That’s fine if all you intend to do is wear the jewelry. However, any kind of pressure or weight on narrow gauge jewelry may cause the piercing to migrate.

You obviously want to avoid that at all cost. So, you need to stretch the size of the piercing until it can support the pressure or weight of a chastity device, preferably 8 gauge. It’s easiest and best to stretch just one step at a time.  You probably will have to wait after your initial piercing at least 6 months before stretching.

For devices that are not supported by a cock ring behind the balls, you will need to stretch up to 6 ga, preferably 4 ga because ALL of the weight of those kinds of devices can press on the jewelry.

Most studios will happily stretch you, usually for much less than a piercing costs. [Don’t forget to tip the piercer!]

However, you can also stretch yourself using tapers, such as this 4 ga taper. With this taper you gently push it into the urethra and then through the piercing opening, softly wedging it in place.  Then in several very small steps, push it further in, perhaps twisting slightly.  Pause for a minute or even several minutes between each push.  

With this particular taper, the end of new up-sized jewelry fits into the hollow at the fat end of the taper, so it can follow the taper through the enlarged opening.  

The fat end of the taper is actually wider than the new jewelry. As a consequence, you by may not need to push this kind of taper all the way through.  After pushing the taper perhaps two-thirds or three-quarters of the way through the opening and letting it rest there for a few minutes, pull the taper out, and then immediately insert the new jewelry.

High-end tapers, such as a studio would use, are often threaded at the end so that jewelry with threads fit flush to the taper.

5) Get a Chastity Device

Choosing a device is another topic entirely.  i hope to post a short note soon, sharing some of my recommendations and experiences with different cages.