my balls ache.
They ache so much that i started to think it must be psychosomatic. [To be sure, they only ache, there is no acute pain].
Being a long-time consumer of story smut, i've read about "blue-balls" a million times. But since i never really experienced it, i figured it is mostly made-up, mostly to guilt-trip girlfriends and wives who aren't bold enough to tell their men to go jerk-off if it's that bad.
But the aching is going on and on, and is getting stronger.
So, i did a little research.
Wikipedia (FWIW) calls it out as a real phenomenon, particularly for men over 40 for whom (Wikipedia claims) the symptoms can last up to 12 hours after erection.
Wikipedia does cite this pediatrics paper which provides a case study and the results of a literature review. The paper reports that the literature is strangely silent on the topic but that the "great majority of adult, pediatric, urologic and emergency physicians, as well as nurses and non-medial people informally surveyed, know of this condition."
"Condition" appears to be a key word choice, because it seems from the material reviewed that despite the aching, i am in no danger of being harmed.
Do i like being made to suffer in denial, particularly by Her? Of course. But does it still hurt? Yes!
the elasticity of time
It's just shy of seven days since i was last allowed to cum, but it seems like seven weeks(!)
i remain in that tortured limbo land in which i am constantly driven to frustration and distraction due to denial and yet at the same time am buoyed by a sense of erotic completeness gained from submitting to Her denial. i am a total head case.
i masturbated last night and again this morning, as per Her instructions. While wanking i wondered about a couple of upcoming "dates" i am scheduling with two friends, both of whom are recent (but pre-contract) lovers. And i fantasized that She would order that Her cock be caged when with them.
And then tonight i received an email from Her that included this: "...I want my cock to be well protected when you meet her. CAGED in its all glory..." [emphasis Hers].
Did i already mention how lucky i am?
i remain in that tortured limbo land in which i am constantly driven to frustration and distraction due to denial and yet at the same time am buoyed by a sense of erotic completeness gained from submitting to Her denial. i am a total head case.
i masturbated last night and again this morning, as per Her instructions. While wanking i wondered about a couple of upcoming "dates" i am scheduling with two friends, both of whom are recent (but pre-contract) lovers. And i fantasized that She would order that Her cock be caged when with them.
And then tonight i received an email from Her that included this: "...I want my cock to be well protected when you meet her. CAGED in its all glory..." [emphasis Hers].
Did i already mention how lucky i am?
heigh-ho, hiegh-ho, it's off to work i go
i spent 20 minutes masturbating at work this morning - as per instructions i received from Her:
"For Wednesday February 11th, 2009. I want you to jerk off, work schedule permitting, at 10:00 AM and if not at 10, at 12:10. I want you to jerk off for 20 minutes this time - do NOT cum....you are back to your "15 minute" schedule Wednesday night. Mistress S. P.S. Call me on my cell if your work schedule will not permit you to jerk off tomorrow at the designated time."
i often jerk-off at work (or that is i used to) but almost never for 20 minutes. i have a private office, located up a short flight of stairs such that i can hear anyone coming my way. but my office door does not lock, and the office kitchen is also located on top of the stairs. So jerking off at work can be an anxious experience, full of false alarms. As a result, i usually jerk-off quickly, cumming in just a couple minutes - an easy task for this standard issue boy.
This morning however, i lucked out and no one came up the stairs the whole time i was wanking. As usual, She dominated my thoughts while masturbating.
Now however, i am having trouble concentrating. i am frustrated as fuck. my mind keeps wandering back to thoughts of Her, Her cock and jerking-off. Maybe if i go get a cup of coffee.....
"For Wednesday February 11th, 2009. I want you to jerk off, work schedule permitting, at 10:00 AM and if not at 10, at 12:10. I want you to jerk off for 20 minutes this time - do NOT cum....you are back to your "15 minute" schedule Wednesday night. Mistress S. P.S. Call me on my cell if your work schedule will not permit you to jerk off tomorrow at the designated time."
i often jerk-off at work (or that is i used to) but almost never for 20 minutes. i have a private office, located up a short flight of stairs such that i can hear anyone coming my way. but my office door does not lock, and the office kitchen is also located on top of the stairs. So jerking off at work can be an anxious experience, full of false alarms. As a result, i usually jerk-off quickly, cumming in just a couple minutes - an easy task for this standard issue boy.
This morning however, i lucked out and no one came up the stairs the whole time i was wanking. As usual, She dominated my thoughts while masturbating.
Now however, i am having trouble concentrating. i am frustrated as fuck. my mind keeps wandering back to thoughts of Her, Her cock and jerking-off. Maybe if i go get a cup of coffee.....
visions
Last night and again this morning, my masturbation fantasies were dominated by simple visions of Her as She was dressed last Thursday night.
That was a bit unusual for me, as my masturbation fantasies almost always revolve around some narrative playing out in my head. When i surf smut on the Net i much prefer story sites to picture sites.
Last Thursday, She appeared to be dressed as a retro pin-up girl from France in the 1920's, with a few modern twists that made it very contemporary, a little edgy.
She was stunningly sexy.
That was a bit unusual for me, as my masturbation fantasies almost always revolve around some narrative playing out in my head. When i surf smut on the Net i much prefer story sites to picture sites.
Last Thursday, She appeared to be dressed as a retro pin-up girl from France in the 1920's, with a few modern twists that made it very contemporary, a little edgy.
She was stunningly sexy.
danger, Will Robinson
i've recently come close to cumming while masturbating.
It happened yesterday while masturbating in the shower, and again this morning. i get lost in my fantasies and find myself snapping out of it only at the last second. Both times, i came to my senses just in time - so there was no "partial" orgasm. But i need to be more careful lest i lose control next time.
Her balls are aching again today, as they did yesterday. i wonder if coming so close to ejaculation is partially behind that?
It happened yesterday while masturbating in the shower, and again this morning. i get lost in my fantasies and find myself snapping out of it only at the last second. Both times, i came to my senses just in time - so there was no "partial" orgasm. But i need to be more careful lest i lose control next time.
Her balls are aching again today, as they did yesterday. i wonder if coming so close to ejaculation is partially behind that?
if wishes were fishes
i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now. i wish i could jerk-off right now.
She does not allow it.
She does not allow it.
starting week #2
i masturbated, as per Her directions, last night and again this morning.
As per the emerging pattern, i desperately wanted to go on each time, but stopped at the 15 minute mark.
my fantasies again revolved around living 24/7 under Her lock and key.
i also thought about how She is going on vacation soon and will be out of the country for a bit. i wonder what She will do with me while She is away?
As per the emerging pattern, i desperately wanted to go on each time, but stopped at the 15 minute mark.
my fantasies again revolved around living 24/7 under Her lock and key.
i also thought about how She is going on vacation soon and will be out of the country for a bit. i wonder what She will do with me while She is away?
return to distraction
i wanked for the required 15 minutes this morning, while reading a femdom story on-line. i don't dare read smut outside my two 15-minute windows, as the prohibition on wanking would make it a miserable, frustrating experience. Not surprisingly, i have cut way back on reading and watching erotica of any kind. But i can't say i miss it that much. My whole day, every day, is now eroticized by virtue of my cock (now Her cock) under Her control 24/7.
The 15 minutes this morning went by all too fast, and i was left longing for more. At this very moment, i am desperate to jerk-off.
The frustration from being denied permission to orgasm paired with the warm erotic glow generated by submitting to the denial makes for a very strange combination.
It's only been a little more than two days since i last had an orgasm, but once again i can feel myself being driven to distraction as the frustration mounts.
There is no doubt about it - i am a total masturbation slut.
The 15 minutes this morning went by all too fast, and i was left longing for more. At this very moment, i am desperate to jerk-off.
The frustration from being denied permission to orgasm paired with the warm erotic glow generated by submitting to the denial makes for a very strange combination.
It's only been a little more than two days since i last had an orgasm, but once again i can feel myself being driven to distraction as the frustration mounts.
There is no doubt about it - i am a total masturbation slut.
respect
i started masturbating in bed Saturday night, when my domestic partner came unexpectedly into the room to go to sleep. She (my domestic partner) is a bit uncomfortable with my masturbating when she is present. So, i stopped even though i had not completed 15 minutes.
We talked about her discomfort around this particular scenario several years ago, and i agreed to not masturbate in her company. i had/have no shame about masturbation. However, since i don't have any particular desire to wank specifically in her company and since it's an easy thing to avoid, i was happy to agree to avoid it for her sake.
I think (and hope) that She (the current owner of my cock) will agree. She has been immensely respectful of my domestic partner and family - going well out of Her way to make sure that nothing between Us/us gets in the way of my family - it's even written into the contract (!).
However, i will need to explicitly ask Her for direction about this.
We talked about her discomfort around this particular scenario several years ago, and i agreed to not masturbate in her company. i had/have no shame about masturbation. However, since i don't have any particular desire to wank specifically in her company and since it's an easy thing to avoid, i was happy to agree to avoid it for her sake.
I think (and hope) that She (the current owner of my cock) will agree. She has been immensely respectful of my domestic partner and family - going well out of Her way to make sure that nothing between Us/us gets in the way of my family - it's even written into the contract (!).
However, i will need to explicitly ask Her for direction about this.
the comfort of control
As i started masturbating Friday night and again on Saturday morning i definitely felt like i was being forced back into the confines of Her rules.
However, after the initial surprise and discomfort of being back into the straight jacket, i felt a warm comfortable glow come over me. It seemed like by virtue of feeling Her control over me, i felt her presence in my life. i felt close to her, part of her world.
Saturday morning, my fantasy was all Her all the time.
However, after the initial surprise and discomfort of being back into the straight jacket, i felt a warm comfortable glow come over me. It seemed like by virtue of feeling Her control over me, i felt her presence in my life. i felt close to her, part of her world.
Saturday morning, my fantasy was all Her all the time.
instant replay
Friday night i masturbated as per Her standing instructions.
i replayed the events of Friday morning over and over in my head. The vision of Her pussy hovering above me seems seared in my brain.
i could have kept wanking for hours - but the limit held me to the usual 15 minutes.
i replayed the events of Friday morning over and over in my head. The vision of Her pussy hovering above me seems seared in my brain.
i could have kept wanking for hours - but the limit held me to the usual 15 minutes.
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