It's now getting close to the end of my contract with S. And i find that going without cumming is getting even harder!
i suspect it's a little bit like running to the bathroom. The closer you get to the bathroom, the worse it seems until you almost wet yourself, when just two minutes ago it was possible to hold it.
Having the end in sight makes the on-going denial even harder to endure.
However, i've also realized that having a time-limited contract made the suffering in the beginning a lot easier to endure. It's like running in a short race, you can take up a hard pace, but only because you know the end isn't far off. If you're running a marathon, you can't jump out of the gate like a jackrabbit, and you certainly can't carry a load.
i had originally suggested a time-limited contract to S. because i thought that She might be more willing to take me on as Her submissive on a trial basis. However, i see now that i benefited from a short contract more than i could have imagined!
At times the suffering has been pretty dramatic (as recorded here by yours truly), and i wonder what would have happened if i had thought that there was no end in sight? What would my reaction have been?
i'm sure that, in part, i would have been even more turned on. The connection between suffering and sexual pleasure is pretty strong for me, and i'm sure that the prospect of enduring suffering would itself have inflicted suffering up on me.
However, how strong am i? How much suffering and sexual pleasure can i take before i can no longer hold the tension between the two? I think this is one question to which i'd rather not know the answer!
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