after jerking off last night, i finally felt some relief. However, this morning, after wanking without cumming, i was back on the tension track.
The wanking itself was sublime. if only i could stay in that moment forever!
my trial of denial is feeling more like a grueling marathon, one that i am slowly grinding out till the end. the surges of eroticism that used to color my denial and fuel my spirit are far fewer and much milder.
my twice daily masturbation sessions are the two bright spots in my day - and they are amazing [often too amazing, as i still have to constantly stop wanking to keep from cumming!]. Being under the domination of S. is exactly where i want to be.
i'm not quite sure what is behind this shift. it could be that the burden gets heavier when the end is in sight. but when i imagine how i might manage if there were no expectation of relief in sight i quite panic.
It could be that the trial of frustration is dry and unsustaining when marked only by Her absence. but Her absence was even more absolute on her last trip, and the denial of that period was alternated by moments of near rapture even when not masturbating.
It could be that the length of the entire ordeal has finally touched upon the limit of my strength, and now i am weakening.
Perhaps it is all these things.
In any event, i do know with absolute certainty that i would not have it any other way. i am very proud of how i have responded to Her gift of domination. i feel as if i am in a state of grace.
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