It seems a bit repetitive to record the beginning part of this post, since i've journaled this same experience many times before. But it is what it is.
Masturbating this morning was yet another slice of heaven. It is nothing less than rapture to masturbate while under the control of S. i have never enjoyed masturbating this much in my entire life, and i doubt i ever will again.
While masturbating, i began fantasizing by thinking back to Wednesday's meeting with G.
i remembered one moment when she teased me, saying that she wished she had S.' flogger to beat me with. That started me on to fantasizing about being flogged by S. And that's when a strange thing happened.
i started thinking about S.' desire to hurt me, and i started getting incredibly turned on. i had to immediately stop wanking to keep from cumming. i was so hot that i had to wait a good bit before starting up again.
Never before have i been excited at the prospect of being beaten. And yet here i was, delirious with desire at the prospect of being flogged by S. And that's when it struck me. It wasn't the prospect of the pain that was so attractive (and having been flogged before, i know what it's like). It was the prospect of being a way for S. to act out Her desire to inflict pain that was so powerful.
i have been beaten by others, but never by someone who loves me. And being that i am in love with S., the prospect of being beaten by Her fills my heart with joy.
(did i mention that i am crazy?)
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