prayer

Technically i don't have much to journal about today, as i was not allowed to masturbate this morning or last night. i spent last night and this morning with S., and She kept Her cock locked the whole time and sent me off to work with Her cock locked in the cage.

i did masturbate yesterday morning, though. And that was, as is usual now, incredibly wonderful. Masturbating when and only when She says totally changes everything. i've written about this several times before, but there it is.

According to the every-other-day schedule She has put me on (for this week), last night would have been a night i could have cum when masturbating. However, that didn't happen (obviously). i asked if i could cum when masturbating tonight, but She said no, that i would have to wait until the next "every-other-day" which is tomorrow.

So, assuming that nothing changes (!), i will get to cum tomorrow night, but only after going four days without cumming. i find that i have to work hard to mentally pull myself together. Four days sure doesn't sound like much, but i'm afraid that i'm in such a state that i might otherwise freak out. yes, that probably meets the technical definition of a slut: someone who absolutely has to have it. but i am what i am.

i find that i am now looking ahead on the calendar, identifying the days that i will be able to cum on the new schedule. However, that schedule runs out this weekend. And i only hope that She continues to let me cum on schedule after that. Dear Goddess, please, please, please, please, let it be so!