S. came to my office on Monday. i work alone in my own small office here in San Francisco - all my colleagues are out on the east coast. i fixed it up a bit with a black leather fold down couch. It's still a rather utilitarian set up, but a great place to meet.
We/we first went out for a cup of coffee and strolled around the neighborhood. Then she directed Us/us back to my office where, as per Her wishes, i gave her a massage. i started with her feet while i was on my knees (and naked).
One thing led to another and i ended up giving Her a full body massage.
And then i got to go down and worship her, twice! And it was definitely worship. There is no other way to describe the experience.
She's comfortable giving commands. But She also appears to like me doing things without Her having to tell me to do them. She dominates through her simple acceptance of my submission, as if it were so natural that it does not need to be spoken about. Sometimes i ask, sometimes i suggest, sometimes i just do it. It's hard to know exactly when to do what. i don't want to step outside of my role in Our/our relationship. But She clearly likes being served without the need for ordering me around, though She doesn't hesitate to issue orders when she wants.
She has a graceful, diplomatic bearing, something like my stereotype of the French upper class, of Persian royalty. Her manners are impeccable, and they always reflect that She is thinking of the others around Her. She operates like the most gracious and insightful of diplomats. Almost Buddha-like. But in Our/our relationship, she is comfortable using Her power for Her benefit, if only because She knows that, in doing so, She is also doing me a favor. OK, now i'm babbling, but i hope i got the point across.
Anyhoo, while i was down worshiping her, the first time, she basically told me to expect new instructions and that the contract was being extended, indefinitely!
In a way. this was odd. In the past i have always been the one to suggest new contracts. i think that She likes it that way because if i'm the one suggesting a contract, She can be sure She is not imposing on my life in way that makes Her responsible for anything, particularly an imposition on my job or my family - other women She doesn't seem to mind taking precedence over.
But, i've been so very clear (while doing my best not to over-do it) that i want as much domination as She is willing to dispense, that i think She probably felt safe in extending the contract without asking me. She also made it clear that the contract extension could be for a month, a week or just a day. i have no say in the matter, but She can end it at any time. So, She's protected: no obligation for Her. And She clearly liked extending the contract without asking me because she came, hard, very soon thereafter.
i am so fucking lucky.
end of contract
my contract with S. ended yesterday, which happened to be a "free" day as per her instructions.
i'm not all sure what happens now. i am leaving on business trip in 11 days, the 2nd part of which i will be in Germany. S. said She was interested in meeting up, but that She might have to stay in the states for a family event. She said she would know last week, so i might find out soon.
i'm tempted to ask if she would extend my contract. but i don't want to push things...
i am supposed to see her later today, as per this exchange below (read from the bottom up):
Sent from my iPhone
On May 25, 2013, at 1:31 PM, S. wrote:
> Great... Life is good especially when I think of you being on your knees at my service.
>
> Sent from my iPad
>
>> On May 25, 2013, at 11:50 AM, h. wrote:
>>
>> Dear S.,
>>
>> 2 pm, i understand.
>>
>> i am so happy with the prospect of serving You.
>>
>> Thank You!
>>
>> Yours,
>>
>> h
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>> On May 25, 2013, at 9:07 AM, S. wrote:
>>>
>>> Good morning h,
>>> 2 pm Monday afternoon. I can adjust +/- one hour.
>>>
>>> S.
>>> Sent from my iPad
>>>>
>>>> On May 25, 2013, at 8:37 AM, h. wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Hi S.,
>>>>
>>>> i could meet up with You on Monday afternoon or Monday evening. Just let me know which >>>> is better for You, and i will arrange my day accordingly. : )
>>>>
>>>> Yours,
>>>>
>>>> h
>>>>
>>>>> From: S.
>>>>> To: h.
>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 24, 2013 11:28 PM
>>>>> Subject: Re: Hi
>>>>>
>>>>> Nice updates, I am glad you are following my instructions as you go by, doing your >>>>> daily business.
>>>>> I want to come by on Monday. Let me know if and when you can further augment the
>>>>> services you provide.
>>>>>
>>>>> Enjoy and be good in the meantime.
>>>>>
>>>>> S.
i'm not all sure what happens now. i am leaving on business trip in 11 days, the 2nd part of which i will be in Germany. S. said She was interested in meeting up, but that She might have to stay in the states for a family event. She said she would know last week, so i might find out soon.
i'm tempted to ask if she would extend my contract. but i don't want to push things...
i am supposed to see her later today, as per this exchange below (read from the bottom up):
Sent from my iPhone
On May 25, 2013, at 1:31 PM, S. wrote:
> Great... Life is good especially when I think of you being on your knees at my service.
>
> Sent from my iPad
>
>> On May 25, 2013, at 11:50 AM, h. wrote:
>>
>> Dear S.,
>>
>> 2 pm, i understand.
>>
>> i am so happy with the prospect of serving You.
>>
>> Thank You!
>>
>> Yours,
>>
>> h
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>> On May 25, 2013, at 9:07 AM, S. wrote:
>>>
>>> Good morning h,
>>> 2 pm Monday afternoon. I can adjust +/- one hour.
>>>
>>> S.
>>> Sent from my iPad
>>>>
>>>> On May 25, 2013, at 8:37 AM, h. wrote:
>>>>
>>>> Hi S.,
>>>>
>>>> i could meet up with You on Monday afternoon or Monday evening. Just let me know which >>>> is better for You, and i will arrange my day accordingly. : )
>>>>
>>>> Yours,
>>>>
>>>> h
>>>>
>>>>> From: S.
>>>>> To: h.
>>>>> Sent: Friday, May 24, 2013 11:28 PM
>>>>> Subject: Re: Hi
>>>>>
>>>>> Nice updates, I am glad you are following my instructions as you go by, doing your >>>>> daily business.
>>>>> I want to come by on Monday. Let me know if and when you can further augment the
>>>>> services you provide.
>>>>>
>>>>> Enjoy and be good in the meantime.
>>>>>
>>>>> S.
several days ago, i forgot to masturbate one evening as i should have, as per S.' instructions.
I sent her this text:
Dear S., i am late in reporting because i was late in completing my assignment. i had no good "excuse." i was alone at work from 7:30 to 8:00 responding to unimportant email and simply forgot. i realize that i have not only disobeyed You, but i have also created a bother for You. You were generous enough to take control of my/Your cock when i asked for it, it should not be a hassle for You. If there is any way to atone, please, would You tell me? i am so sorry. i apologize for not honoring Your good will towards me. Please forgive me.
And this was her reply:
is there a lesson learned for you? if yes, i want you to tell me when i see you later this week. until then stay aware and pay attention.
It was a relief to get the message, but also a feeling of being controlled and dominated and being put in my place - a feeling of being controlled by someone more thoughtful, and more powerful than me. She didn't need to punish to express her domination, her superiority. Instead she used the moment to teach me. i am so fucking lucky in every way.
i immediately focused in on the question about whether there was a lesson in it for me, [and only the next day realized i should have paid more attention to the whole message.]
However, for lessons all i could think of were trite things like I need to pay more attention, work harder etc.
i was glad that She had not told me to reply immediately but had instead gave me time to think.
And since i didn't think the immediate lessons that came to mind were any good, i thinking. i did feel there was something bigger going on that i was missing, but i couldn't immediately explain it.
So, i thought about what the contract represented, what Her instructions offered, what i was doing when i wasn't thinking about my assignment.
And that made me realize that i had been both selfish, and short-sighted.
When i should have been taking pains to remember my assignment, to remind myself, to take them seriously, to build the instructions into my daily calendar, into my daily life, i was instead being selfish and focusing inward on enjoying the feeling of submission.
it was short-sighted because S. had given me an opportunity to learn and grow by applying myself in submission to Her.
Her instructions were a gift that She had given me. And the clue was in the last part of Her message: "stay aware and pay attention." She had given me the gift of a daily practice, almost Buddhist like, to interact with the world in a mindful way, to ground my service to Her in something that also develops me.
It's almost spooky how mindful and thoughtful She is, how She is well ahead of me. Exactly the kind of woman to whom i should submit. She is my master.
I sent her this text:
Dear S., i am late in reporting because i was late in completing my assignment. i had no good "excuse." i was alone at work from 7:30 to 8:00 responding to unimportant email and simply forgot. i realize that i have not only disobeyed You, but i have also created a bother for You. You were generous enough to take control of my/Your cock when i asked for it, it should not be a hassle for You. If there is any way to atone, please, would You tell me? i am so sorry. i apologize for not honoring Your good will towards me. Please forgive me.
And this was her reply:
is there a lesson learned for you? if yes, i want you to tell me when i see you later this week. until then stay aware and pay attention.
It was a relief to get the message, but also a feeling of being controlled and dominated and being put in my place - a feeling of being controlled by someone more thoughtful, and more powerful than me. She didn't need to punish to express her domination, her superiority. Instead she used the moment to teach me. i am so fucking lucky in every way.
i immediately focused in on the question about whether there was a lesson in it for me, [and only the next day realized i should have paid more attention to the whole message.]
However, for lessons all i could think of were trite things like I need to pay more attention, work harder etc.
i was glad that She had not told me to reply immediately but had instead gave me time to think.
And since i didn't think the immediate lessons that came to mind were any good, i thinking. i did feel there was something bigger going on that i was missing, but i couldn't immediately explain it.
So, i thought about what the contract represented, what Her instructions offered, what i was doing when i wasn't thinking about my assignment.
And that made me realize that i had been both selfish, and short-sighted.
When i should have been taking pains to remember my assignment, to remind myself, to take them seriously, to build the instructions into my daily calendar, into my daily life, i was instead being selfish and focusing inward on enjoying the feeling of submission.
it was short-sighted because S. had given me an opportunity to learn and grow by applying myself in submission to Her.
Her instructions were a gift that She had given me. And the clue was in the last part of Her message: "stay aware and pay attention." She had given me the gift of a daily practice, almost Buddhist like, to interact with the world in a mindful way, to ground my service to Her in something that also develops me.
It's almost spooky how mindful and thoughtful She is, how She is well ahead of me. Exactly the kind of woman to whom i should submit. She is my master.
Instructions
i entered into my current contract with S. last Thursday night.
The next morning She sent me an email with instructions.
i've cut and pasted the email exchange below, reversing the order so that it reads in "normal" chrono order. And edited it to protect the guilty : )
>>
>> From: S.
>> To: subboyjoy
>> Sent: Friday, May 17, 2013 8:54 AM
>> Subject: Friday May 17
>>
>> Good morning,
>> No need to tell you that you must keep your hands off my cock today,
>> with the exception of following:
>> - jerking off on your knees for 10 minutes sometime between
>> 12:30 - 1:30pm AND
>> 7:00 - 8:00 pm
>> when going to bathroom and peeing
>> In the shower, keep the contact to minimum to soaping and rinsing off
>> No excuses for deviations.
>>
>> Be a good boy you are, have a good day.
>>
>> S.
>>
>> Sent from my iPad
>>
>>
On May 17, 2013, at 10:06 AM, subboyjoy wrote:
>> Dear S,
>>
>> Thank You so much for these instructions.
>>
>> And thank You so much for hanging out with me last night. i had such a perfect time. i am floating on air
>> this morning!
>>
>> i know this sounds crazy but with Your cock now firmly under Your control, i feel at peace and feel very
>> connected to You. Thank You.
>>
>> In the past when You instructed me to jerk off during the day, i was generally not allowed to cum, and i
>> believe that i should follow that same practice now. i just want to be sure i am understanding and obeying >> Your intentions correctly.
>>
>> Yours,
>>
>> subboy
>>
>> P.S. i hope Your phone fully recovers.
>>
>> P.P.S. i will get some massage oil for my office today. please, anytime, you would like a quick (or long!) >> massage of your feet or other, just let me know.
>>
>> P.P.S. i am so extremely lucky. Thank You.
>>
[note to explain the PPS - last time S. was at my office, i offered and gave her a foot massage. But she asked if I had any massage oil, and I didn't. A long time ago I made some custom massage oil at a workshop I went to and gave it to her as a gift which she liked very much]
>> From: S.
>> Fri, May 17, 2013 at 1:44 PM
>> I want to come by Monday for massage your schedule permitting. Anytime after 1 pm is good for me.
>> Correct you are not allowed to cum.
>> Have a good and weekend my dear.
The next morning She sent me an email with instructions.
i've cut and pasted the email exchange below, reversing the order so that it reads in "normal" chrono order. And edited it to protect the guilty : )
>>
>> From: S.
>> To: subboyjoy
>> Sent: Friday, May 17, 2013 8:54 AM
>> Subject: Friday May 17
>>
>> Good morning,
>> No need to tell you that you must keep your hands off my cock today,
>> with the exception of following:
>> - jerking off on your knees for 10 minutes sometime between
>> 12:30 - 1:30pm AND
>> 7:00 - 8:00 pm
>> when going to bathroom and peeing
>> In the shower, keep the contact to minimum to soaping and rinsing off
>> No excuses for deviations.
>>
>> Be a good boy you are, have a good day.
>>
>> S.
>>
>> Sent from my iPad
>>
>>
On May 17, 2013, at 10:06 AM, subboyjoy wrote:
>> Dear S,
>>
>> Thank You so much for these instructions.
>>
>> And thank You so much for hanging out with me last night. i had such a perfect time. i am floating on air
>> this morning!
>>
>> i know this sounds crazy but with Your cock now firmly under Your control, i feel at peace and feel very
>> connected to You. Thank You.
>>
>> In the past when You instructed me to jerk off during the day, i was generally not allowed to cum, and i
>> believe that i should follow that same practice now. i just want to be sure i am understanding and obeying >> Your intentions correctly.
>>
>> Yours,
>>
>> subboy
>>
>> P.S. i hope Your phone fully recovers.
>>
>> P.P.S. i will get some massage oil for my office today. please, anytime, you would like a quick (or long!) >> massage of your feet or other, just let me know.
>>
>> P.P.S. i am so extremely lucky. Thank You.
>>
[note to explain the PPS - last time S. was at my office, i offered and gave her a foot massage. But she asked if I had any massage oil, and I didn't. A long time ago I made some custom massage oil at a workshop I went to and gave it to her as a gift which she liked very much]
>> From: S.
>> Fri, May 17, 2013 at 1:44 PM
>> I want to come by Monday for massage your schedule permitting. Anytime after 1 pm is good for me.
>> Correct you are not allowed to cum.
>> Have a good and weekend my dear.
back under contract, again (!)
It's been a while, but i am back under contract to S., and I am so insanely content.
She and i went out for drinks last Thursday. i had not seen her in several weeks. i was hoping i could ask her, in fact i was ready to beg her, to take control of my/Her cock.
i don't know that she would have done it had i not asked. and i don't like to think that she does anything because i ask for it. on the other hand, i thought that asking/begging her to take control was appropriately submissive.
i know that it has to be hassle free for her, i.e. something that she enjoys, not another responsibility that amounts to a burden because she has to deal with it - and i know that she take the responsibility end of owning my/her cock very seriously. She's scrupulous that way.
i'm traveling to Europe for work next month, and asked her a week ago or so (via email) if she'd like to meet up while i'm over there because she's mentioned in the past she like to do something like that and that i should let her know if another trip comes up. anyways, she hasn't figured out if she can go or not - she has some family events that might conflict. but on a prior trip to Vegas together (can't remember if i blogged here about that) she took control of my/Her cock 24/7. so, it was sorta in the context of the upcoming trip that i asked if she would take control.
i suggested a short-term contract, so that it would be as little of a concern for her as possible - though the terms of all our contracts have been the same in one particular: she can cancel at anytime, I cannot. Anyways, she agreed and fixed the term at two weeks.
She also specified two-day windows ahead of time during which i would be "free" to do whatever i want. i think that's her way of making sure i get opportunities to jerk off and cum without getting crazy distracted/frustrated. she doesn't want me to get so bent out of shape that work or family stuff suffers as a result. at the same time i think she doesn't want the bother of monitoring my condition. so she sets this schedule ahead of time.
In the past, during our very first contact, she made me go much longer, as much as 2-3 weeks, without cumming. That I KNOW i blogged about. Still, this feels very controlling and frustrating, and i suppose it gives her plenty of room to ramp things up if she pleases.
She and i went out for drinks last Thursday. i had not seen her in several weeks. i was hoping i could ask her, in fact i was ready to beg her, to take control of my/Her cock.
i don't know that she would have done it had i not asked. and i don't like to think that she does anything because i ask for it. on the other hand, i thought that asking/begging her to take control was appropriately submissive.
i know that it has to be hassle free for her, i.e. something that she enjoys, not another responsibility that amounts to a burden because she has to deal with it - and i know that she take the responsibility end of owning my/her cock very seriously. She's scrupulous that way.
i'm traveling to Europe for work next month, and asked her a week ago or so (via email) if she'd like to meet up while i'm over there because she's mentioned in the past she like to do something like that and that i should let her know if another trip comes up. anyways, she hasn't figured out if she can go or not - she has some family events that might conflict. but on a prior trip to Vegas together (can't remember if i blogged here about that) she took control of my/Her cock 24/7. so, it was sorta in the context of the upcoming trip that i asked if she would take control.
i suggested a short-term contract, so that it would be as little of a concern for her as possible - though the terms of all our contracts have been the same in one particular: she can cancel at anytime, I cannot. Anyways, she agreed and fixed the term at two weeks.
She also specified two-day windows ahead of time during which i would be "free" to do whatever i want. i think that's her way of making sure i get opportunities to jerk off and cum without getting crazy distracted/frustrated. she doesn't want me to get so bent out of shape that work or family stuff suffers as a result. at the same time i think she doesn't want the bother of monitoring my condition. so she sets this schedule ahead of time.
In the past, during our very first contact, she made me go much longer, as much as 2-3 weeks, without cumming. That I KNOW i blogged about. Still, this feels very controlling and frustrating, and i suppose it gives her plenty of room to ramp things up if she pleases.
Update
It's been a few months since I have seen S.
And for the last year or so, there has been no contract between us.
A while back I asked her if she preferred me to be submissive with her all the time, or only "in the bedroom" or something to that effect, as I suspected that was her preference. And she confirmed that was indeed what she preferred.
back under contract!
S. took control of Her/my cock again. It's been almost two years since my last contract with Her, and i am so happy! The minute i handed her the key, a feeling of peace and contentment washed over me.
It started with a trip to Vegas a couple weeks ago, during which i spent the whole time with Her/my cock locked up in a CB cage (and a small hook that threads through the P.A. piercing that effectively renders the cage undefeatable.)
At the end of the trip She took control of Her/my cock going forward, but She only restricted/limited my masturbation, which was a triple relief actually, as i have recently been jerking off 2-3 times a day, which was getting out of hand.
Her rule is that i am allowed to jerk off once every 18 hours, and She did not limit how long each individual session could last. Over the last week or so, i've found that in practice this pretty much guarantees that i can jerk off once a day no matter the schedule of things in my life, but prevents me from jerking off more than once.
She was very clear She doesn't want to restrict any sex i might have with anyone else, as She doesn't want to deal with that.
However, since She is the only person i have been having sex with for the past 8 months, it's not much of a difference to me.
While my last contract with Her was very specifically limited to three months, We/we did not discuss any limit this time, but i am not assuming anything.
i have Her permission to make this blog public, and since this topic for this blog now seems to be alive again, i will see about doing that. i'm a bit nervous about running afoul of Blogger's rules about forbidden content, as i don't want them to turn off and lose this blog and all the posts
It started with a trip to Vegas a couple weeks ago, during which i spent the whole time with Her/my cock locked up in a CB cage (and a small hook that threads through the P.A. piercing that effectively renders the cage undefeatable.)
At the end of the trip She took control of Her/my cock going forward, but She only restricted/limited my masturbation, which was a triple relief actually, as i have recently been jerking off 2-3 times a day, which was getting out of hand.
Her rule is that i am allowed to jerk off once every 18 hours, and She did not limit how long each individual session could last. Over the last week or so, i've found that in practice this pretty much guarantees that i can jerk off once a day no matter the schedule of things in my life, but prevents me from jerking off more than once.
She was very clear She doesn't want to restrict any sex i might have with anyone else, as She doesn't want to deal with that.
However, since She is the only person i have been having sex with for the past 8 months, it's not much of a difference to me.
While my last contract with Her was very specifically limited to three months, We/we did not discuss any limit this time, but i am not assuming anything.
i have Her permission to make this blog public, and since this topic for this blog now seems to be alive again, i will see about doing that. i'm a bit nervous about running afoul of Blogger's rules about forbidden content, as i don't want them to turn off and lose this blog and all the posts
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