Yesterday evening, just when it was seemed that things could not possibly get any more intense, they did.
And as a result, my 15 minute masturbation sessions last night and this morning were fevered affairs in which i was completely lost in insanely super-charged imaginings. The adjective that i would usually employ to describe the feelings that came to me while wanking would be "orgasmic." But in the strict sense of that word, my masturbation sessions were anything but.
Things shot into orbit last night when i received another email from Her, that read, in part:
"you have received a cyber gift certificate allowing you to jerk off and CUM... yes CUM... on: Wednesday March 11, 2009."
"You are to to do this, 1) at any time - Big bonus 2) duration: 5 - 15 minutes - another bonus 3) in private - my cock and the cum is not to be shared with anyone"
"you will do it ONCE on Wednesday, and cage my cock afterward until you come to serve me and perhaps a lover of mine on Thursday evening in my place (instructions to follow)."
Getting this email caused me to go completely crazy - surprise, surprise.
The prospect of being able to cum was so overwhelming, IS so overwhelming, that i have to force myself to think about something else to keep from hyperventilating on the spot. And slut that i am, i find myself constantly failing in this effort. i find myself flushing, my breath quickening, Her balls aching and, of course, Her cock hard.
The prospect of being caged is one of suffering, at Her hand however, which gives me shivers just thinking about it.
The prospect of getting to serve Her, of being with Her in person, is the ultimate; it's what it's all about for me. i could record reams about this, but i will leave it at that.
The prospect of serving Her lover is scary. Will it be a woman? Is it more likely to be a man? my feelings about this are extremely conflicted.
i've explored being with a man, and found that i am (unfortunately) very one dimensional in this regard. i am completely oriented to women. As a result, being submissive around other men can be awkward and even alienating at times, particularly in large group settings. This makes sense to me since my submissive nature is explicitly tied to my sexual dimension.
However, being forced to serve in a situation in which She is entertaining another man, one whose status is not submissive, dramatically highlights my submissive status, and puts me in a very humiliating position. Being subservient to him enforces my humiliation.
The fact that she would be taking satisfaction from another man's cock, while my cock, now Her cock, has been dismissed and locked away in a cage is a dramatic expression of Her power over me.
While wanking last night, all of this was extremely erotic for me. However, fantasies can operate much differently than reality - even for a slut as twisted as i appear to be.
However, winning Her approval is such a turn-on for me, and i am so anxious to give something to Her to express my gratitude for Her love and attention, that i can see myself doing it and enjoying it. But, i have to admit i don't know what would really happen in the moment.
The challenge will be to rise to the occasion if and when She presents it.
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