gender bending

i went out for drinks with L. last night. Mistress S.' cock was locked in the cage, and i left the key back at home - as per Her instructions.

i had a good time, but i was reminded a bit why things never took off between L. and i before.

The conversation was a bit stiff, and i found that i had to do most of the talking and leading to keep things going. L. was a very passive conversation partner for long stretches (i feel awkward writing this because it seems critical of L. and she might very well take it that way if she ever reads this.)

At the same time it seemed pretty clear from her eye contact and body language and her enthusiasm at a very key moments that she was into hanging with me, and possibly in playing with me.

However, that combination of a woman who's interested in me, but is very passive when it comes to personal/intellectual interaction kinda irritates me. i want someone who engages with me, and if she's no good for that, then it feels like all she is good for is fucking. It makes me want to grab her by the hair, throw her onto her knees, push her head to the ground, take her from behind, and then walk away. And i don't give a damn whether she cums or not.

Ahem....so, anyways, when i got home last night, i took off the cage and masturbated as per Her directions. And L. was nowhere to be found in my fantasy. It was S., S., and more S.

And this morning's masturbation was more of the same.

As i type right now Her balls are swollen and tender. i often sit cross legged, my knees folded on top of each other, but when i do that now Her balls feels as if they are being squeezed.

It's kinda ironic that i have to stop the "girly" practice of crossing my legs, and instead sit in the "manly" open crotch spread. i suppose there's some pithy insight on gender bending to be made here, but it escapes me at the moment.

Looking forward to masturbating tonight!